Solomon
by jane0904
Summary: River wants something Jayne has, but he won't give it to her. Mal makes a guest appearance in this very crazy short. And it's only rude if you squint ...


"You lost," River insisted, following Jayne into the cargo bay.

"I didn't, on account of you cheating." He lay down on the bench, doing up his gloves and lifted down the bar.

"I did not cheat," River said firmly, standing behind him as if she was spotting him.

"You couldn't'a drawn a straight like that."

"Why not?"

"Because I dealt ya a single pair."

She leaned on the bar, pushing it down into his chest. "You mean you were cheating?"

"Sure," he said, lifting her up with the weights, his muscles bulging. He inhaled sharply as she came back down. "Don't mean you won, though."

"So you were cheating."

"Just said I was, didn't I?" He exhaled and pushed her up again, stopping just short of locking his elbows. Not a good thing to do with a girl hanging onto him. "But so were you."

"But you lost."

"Nope." He brought her down again. "And that means I ain't paying up."

"What's going on in here?" Mal asked, stepping down the stairs from the bridge. "River, are you trying to …" He stared at her lying across Jayne's chest and managed to reorganise his thoughts. "What are you trying to do?" he asked instead.

"Jayne is trying to welch on a bet," the girl said, slipping off the big man.

"I thought I told you not to play for money," Mal said, reaching the floor. "Not after last time with Hank."

"I didn't hurt him that much," Jayne said, lifting the bar into place and sitting up, massaging his upper arms.

"Enough that I had to do the flying myself for a few days. Couldn't you have waited until the girls were back before you did that?"

"He got me riled."

"He won fair and square."

"Jayne didn't," River put in.

"Yeah, and what's that all about?" Mal asked.

Jayne suddenly looked embarrassed and stood up, almost as if he was afraid to be lying down at this moment in time. "She wants Vera."

"Your gun?" Mal was shocked and surprised, and more than a little amused. "Why'd you want that, albatross?"

"I want to –"

"She wants to sleep with her. See why I do," Jayne admitted hurriedly.

"Not quite," River added, a secret smile blooming on her lips.

"That's …" Mal's brain began to close down. "So who was cheating?" he asked, trying to hold onto some remnants of sanity.

"We both were," Jayne confessed. "So the way I see it the bet's null and void."

"River?" Mal turned to the girl. "Were you cheating?"

"Yes," she agreed. "But I didn't think he was."

"So that makes it alright?"

"You cheat." She touched him lightly in the centre of his chest. "I've seen, when you play Strip Tall with Freya."

Jayne looked hard at the captain then leered. "You do?"

Mal didn't blush. But only because he was holding it back by sheer force of will. "You're not supposed to be eavesdropping on us, girl."

"But you do," she insisted. "So that Freya wins." She grinned. "And she lets you."

"What Frey and I do … in the privacy of our own …" He pulled himself together. "So you both admit to being liars and cheats?"

"Sure," Jayne said, nodding.

"Didn't lie," River said, then added quietly, "much."

"Then Jayne's right – the bet's off."

"Captain, that isn't –" River began, but a look from Mal silenced her.

"And no betting with guns from now on."

"Aw, Mal, if I can't bet with money or weapons, what can I bet with?" River stroked his arm and he jumped sideways. "Hell, ain't gonna do that."

Mal closed his eyes and wished, with all of his being, that when he opened them he would be alone in the cargo bay. He opened them. "_Tah mah duh_," he whispered to himself. "Okay," he said aloud. "Then this is settled, _dong mah_?"

"Yeah, Mal," Jayne said, sitting back down on the bench.

"River?"

She looked at him with bad grace, but nodded. "Yes sir, captain cheat."

He raised an eyebrow at her but she didn't back down. "Well, good. I'm going to bed now. I suggest you do the same."

"I was going to," River said. "With Vera."

"That's …" This time Mal's brain just rolled over and pulled the covers over its head. "Fine. Shiny." He stomped off back towards his bunk. Freya had better be there, he thought to himself. Otherwise he might just have to come back and kill someone.

River watched him go then turned back to Jayne. "It's not fair," she said in a small voice.

"Life ain't, moonbrain," Jayne agreed, laying back and lifting the bar again.

"Maybe Kaylee has something I can use," she said to herself and wandered towards the mechanic's room.

Jayne nearly dropped the bar onto his chest as his brain imploded. "_Tzao gao_!" he whispered.


End file.
